FART CONTROL!

Hey! Holla at you scuzzes. Now don't feel bad alright? Coz nobody cares anyway. I've been studying since morning and I had some free time so I thought I'd bug you people some more. You know there is something I realized recently and I want to share those ultimate findings with all you people. WE EAT MORE WHILE STUDYING. Like really, do some 12 hours of studying in a day at home. You'll consume calories faster than a fat hooker who sat down too fast. Invariably that leads to another one of my ultimate breakthroughs. WE FART MORE WHILE STUDYING! Hah! Errmm, some of you didn't want to know that, did you? You old geezers can never be thankful. But coming back to the issue, I woke up at 7 this morning and eased into a pattern of studying, eating and farting, and then farting some more, when I remembered that as a kid, I used to have distinctions for farts.



Basically, there were three types of farts (You can never tell about evolution, maybe more fart species have evolved. I'm just saying.) The first one was called 'Gaffaarr'. Now, as the name suggests, these category of farts were the explosive ones. I mean vuvuzelas would have jealously bitched about Gaffaarrs to their mommies. As for making you suffocate, most were not fatal, but some of them were extremely calamitous. The second category was 'Yusuff'. Most of you can guess about these ones from the name. Yes, Ladies and Gentleman, these were the silent assassins.
Like assassins, they made no noise at all but when released, they destroy the nose and completely immobilize the brain. A single one of these could take a big crowd all by itself, when released in an enclosed environment. The third category was 'Abdul'. These were the queefy farts. They made little pop noise and lastED for just one second. These were wannabe farts that wanted to be both Gaffaarr and Yusuff but could be none. There was also a sub category, 'Sharts'. These happened particularly during loose motions and are the only reason people get frightened even at the thought of farting during loose motions.

Gaffaarrs were popular among the old and middle aged men and even heavy duty Punjabi aunties too. The silent killers were strangely popular among skinny girls. These were most hated. 'Abdul' were the saviors for those who preferred to be casual about their business :P. And hey! All you girls thinking what a disgusting post this is, just understand that this is natures exotic process and in your heart you know that you do it too :P.

This was a very enlightening post for all of you schmucks. I will let you ponder over the deep meaning concealed in this very thoughtful post. Teehee!

PS:- No intention to hurt any sentiments. The names of the farts were invariably Muslim names but please understand this was a childhood joke and nothing else. I dont want anyone to feel bad. Please vote on the poll to help me write the next post :P.

What should the next post be about?

• Ghosts
• Delhi(CWG)
• Cricket
• Random thoughts
• Past Experiences
• Fiction

View Results